I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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