u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
