Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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