i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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