So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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