I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
