There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
