Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
