Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
