I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
