summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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