If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
