You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
