Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
