His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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