a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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