I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Randomize
