We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
