im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
