i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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