I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
