You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
