i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
