You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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