Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
