So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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