I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
