I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
