i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
