dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
