Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
