so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
