I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
