I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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