I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
