she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
