Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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