i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
