WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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