so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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