So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
