Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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