Will you blow on my dice?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
