I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
be right there i have to get my cape
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
