Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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