my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
