your thong is hanging out like whoa
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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