allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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