I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
