Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
